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Boyfriend accused of rape
Hi r/relationships, got a real good one for y'all, and a real hard one for me. I'm a woman, 26, who's dating a man, 25, for about 6 months. We've had a few ups and downs regarding some communication issues but mostly it's a positive, supportive relationship, yawn, ok, moving on. Last night, Roommate (F, 24) sent me a text while I was studying/hanging out with Boyfriend in our on-campus computer lab (I'm a professional student, he isn't, but he does like to hang out with me and play computer games while I study sometimes. Go figure.) The gist was that someone told her some extremely concerning things about Boyfriend. Understandably, this made me very nervous, but mostly just confused. She arrives at the computer lab with an email from an anonymous (to me, not to Roommate) mutual friend of all 3 of us that said the following: A) Mutual Anonymous friend heard a rumor about a year ago that Boyfriend had raped someone, but since Boyfriend had never acted inappropriately around women that she had witnessed, she felt like it wasn't her place to say anything. B) Mutual Anonymous friend was contacted by one of her friends after she was spotted hanging out with Boyfriend the other day (we were all hanging out together) and that person said the following "Hey...this is a really difficult message to write, but I noticed earlier you were hanging out with [Boyfriend]. I've been contacted by a close friend who asked me to warn people away from him because he is a rapist. Apparently he does not regret his actions against several women in [our city] and seems to take pleasure in rubbing it in their faces. He also, from what I heard, talks a good feminist game and uses that as a way to get close to people." The message contained some other stuff in a similar vein. C) Mutual Anonymous friend responded that she pretty much only hangs out with him because she's friends with me, asked if he had any charges against him (he doesn't), and asked for more info. The other person replied that he has "definitely raped at least one woman and has a PATTERN of being hostile, aggressive, and antagonistic towards his exgirlfriends. He has on at least one occasion stalked a man that was dating one of his exes." D) Mutual Anonymous friend contacted Roommate instead of contacting me, and roommate contacts me. Gates of Drama are opened. Boyfriend's response: He says he has absolutely no idea what is going on with any of this, that he has never been accused of raping or coercing any woman, that no woman has ever not given consent to have sex with him, that he's not even been in any compromising situation with any woman where there could even be any ambiguity. He's had a few drunken one-night stands in his early 20s where he went through a heavy drinking period, but he says even then there was no possibility of having raped someone. There was one instance where he tried to fight his exgirlfriend's new boyfriend about a year-ish ago when drunk at a bar, and ended up drunkenly spitting on both of them (a dick move, which he admits and has since worked through with his exgirlfriend and is only friendly terms with her, but not the new boyfriend, who she's since dumped). Roommate is really freaked out, doesn't really know what to believe, since Mutual Anonymous friend swears her source is reliable, and insists that Boyfriend not spend the night at our apartment nor I spend the night at his. Boyfriend is really saddened by this and feels like by not letting him spend the night with me (we usually spend the night together) that I give more weight to some anonymous source over him, but to be perfectly honest I was just totally confused and shocked and didn't really know what to think. I spoke to some other people this morning who've known Boyfriend for a long time to see if they've ever heard of anything even CLOSE to this rumor, and they say no, which I was expecting, because they would have told me if they thought the new guy I am dating is a fucking rapist. I have NEVER seen any indication of violence from him, he's gotten mad before and once kind of yelled at me, but he apologized after he realized he was raising his voice. He has NEVER forcibly had sex with me, or coerced me into anything I didn't feel comfortable doing. As one might suspect, I have a pretty good idea of who Mutual Anonymous friend is, and have contacted her with a "I heard this terrible rumor, have you ever heard anything about Boyfriend like that?" and haven't heard a response yet from her. EDIT: Just heard from her - she didn't say that it was her that said it, but judging by the content of her reply, it's pretty clear it was. She basically said the same thing as the email. TL;DR: Boyfriend accused of rape by anonymous source, he denies it. Other people directly asked have never heard of it, but one friend (highly suspected of being the anonymous person) confirms it. What do? more