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So, how do I convince my parents this is real?
So ... I'm a possible future MtF and pretty much convinced that I need some kind of professional help (again, maybe I even will go though with it this time!). I feel like I should explain some background beforehand and apologize if the text gets too long. I will include a tl;dr, so feel free to scroll down. Also I apologize for any bad spelling or grammar since english is my second language. Furthermore, please excuse if I wont be able to respond right away, since it's 4 AM in Europe. Finally, I'd like to say that I can take critique very well, so please be sincere. If I am being an idiot, tell me. Unless I have some kind of bias on my childhood memories I always would have *preferred* to be a girl. According to my relatives I had a fondness for girly clothes (and shoes) in kindergarten. In elementary school my parents got me boys clothes, so I would not be made fun of. In high school it was similar. I was literally on my way to buy a skirt when they stopped me, again to protect me from bullying. I also very distinctively remember that I always wanted a fancy diadem. Didn't help, though. I never had a knack for "displays of masculinity" stuff (don't have a fondness for red meat, beer, sports, pain, sleeping around and am pretty vocal about that) and - as someone pointed out to me - apparently I *move* like a girl. So I've been called every synonym of "pussy" there is. Instead of breaking down, I adopted this into my identity and "girl" and "lesbian" (since I am heterosexual as a cismale, i.e. like girls; I really hope I am not offending anyone with this and if so I sincerely apologize) are common nicknames for me which I kind of like, since they acknowledge my feminine persona. Still don't like "pussy" and "sissy" since they are derogatory. Also I deliberately improved on that "moves like a girl" thing and am very frequently mistaken for gay by strangers - which I also appreciate (again, I hope this is not offensive. I feel bad for dragging the lesbian/gay folks into my own screwed up mind). Also, ever since I discovered masturbation my go-to sexual fantasy is me as a girl in varying settings. I only recently discovered that this is a real turn-off for other men and they cannot invoke a feelilng of being penetrated. Oh, and in college I started crossdressing. Found the experience satisfying, but it is not something I do on a regular basis. There are more details, but this is already long enough... Throughout my childhood I never considered a transition (and I learned about the concept relatively late, since this is not something you learn about in school, sadly), because I never had the "I hate my own body / am born in the wrong body"-feeling. Aside from my strong hair growth and the whole penis business, I am actually quite fine with it. However, recently this benign *preference* to be a girl has turned into a subtle *want* to be a girl, so I read up on the issue and I am now (very) afraid that this want will become a *need* and I am losing valuable time (I just turned 22) pondering. And this is where the problems start. I'm attending grad school studying a science; I am awesome at fixing computers; I like video games and The Internet; my apartment is never really clean; I don't know shit about colors or fashion; my circle of friends is mostly male, etc. So pretty standard male stuff. I don't think this is compensation, since I truly love what I am doing. I *feel* like I preferred life as a woman, but if one would take an *objective look* at my CV he/she would say "yup, its a boy". Additionally, I haven't had a girlfriend since high school and am confronted (by myself) with the accusation that I am simply sexually frustrated. So the last time I felt like I should do something I started to sublety approach my parents about it, by telling them how I am frequently perceived as female-ish by most of my social contacts. My mother is still laughing about "lesbian" as a nickname and my father brushed me off with "look at your life, of course you are male, don't let these people talk you into something". I don't hold it against them, but it was not what I had hoped for. Since I think they are pretty perceptive I hoped for a "FINALLY he comes out" moment. Was too much to ask, I guess. **tl;dr:** I think I may be transsexual, would have preferred to be a girl for as long as I can remember, am autogynephil, a crossdresser and generally considered to be quite feminine. However I have classically male hobbies and a (mostly) classically male life. I cannot go into therapy without the support of my parents, this is out of the question. This may be pathetic at the age of 22, but when it comes down to real emotional support I feel most safe with them. I also firmly believe that they wont resent me as they are very liberal, but rather question my judgement or the very existence of this issue. But I am now kind of at a loss at how to talk to them. I thought about asking them some questions about girly behaviour in my childhood until they ask me if I think I'm gay so I can reply with "nooo... I think I'm trans". But if they don't make this first leap of faith I have no idea, since my first experience with bringing the issue up was not that positive. And I am myself not sure what is up with me. For the end, a funny anecdote: I very distinctively remember that many years back (I was in the midst of puberty) my father was talking to my younger brother and my brother said something I couldn't hear and my father said "Oh, you know... every man wants to be a woman". I remember, because I was incredibly relieved. Though now I know that this statement is most certainly not true. Maybe it runs in the family... **edit:** spelling **edit:** Thank you all so much, but it's now 5 AM here and I need to catch some sleep. I will continue replying tomorrow. more