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Need advice from the ladies on how to interpret and followup with a "free spirited" lady...
So this is going to be pretty long. It's a slow work day and I have had this on my mind for a long time. Unfortunately for those of you who have attention span problems, Ima have to start out with a bit of background. First let me say that I have a current GF and we have an open relationship. I had to go out of town because of my job and while there one of my coworkers who knew about the openness of my relationship introduced me to her "spirited" friend who may be ok with the situation my gf and I had. Well my coworker was right and her friend and I ended up getting loaded and hooking up the night we met (no sex, well no vaginal or anal sex). It was hot and heavy and I definitely wanted to do it again, but didn't know if she would be into it. I have to mention here that my relationship was never mentioned as I thought my coworker had laid the groundwork for that (because that's what she told me). Fast forward a week and the girl (we'll call her K) comes to my place for a poker game I have from time to time. When the poker game ends, she waits around and it was obvious why she was there. Another awesome hookup session and she spends the night but again no sex. Third time the girl and I went out with the coworker I mentioned as well as another coworker friend of ours who was in town on the same project. K and I spent the evening playing around with the little kids in the row in front of us as the event we chose to attend was boring. We talked and she seemed nervous but ok and all four of us ended up getting pretty hammered. She got a ride with the other coworker guy and I think they hooked up, but that doesn't really bother me as she is the curious type and I have no claim to her. Anyway she had given me some Aderral and that kept me up for most of the night. On a whim I texted her at like 5am as I started to sober up, when she responded I invited her to come to breakfast with me which, to my surprise she accepted. We had a great time drinking bloody mary's and talking about stupid shit then out of nowhere she pulls me in to makeout with her while we're chilling on the patio. I had figured since she went home with the other dude the previous night, her interest in me was done, so this came as a surprise. Anyway we go back to her house and spend the next few hours making out and talking. She keeps telling me how good of a kisser I am. How she wants to stay here all day and do this (which I couldn't cause at some point I had to go to work). It was at this moment I realized that I was starting to like this girl and I began to worry as this was the one rule that governed the open relationship I had with my GF. After leaving her house hesitantly, I realized I was going to have to have a talk with K, because I was starting to catch feelings I wasn't allowed to hook up with her any more. A couple of nights later we were out having drinks with the coworker who introduced us. Before K arrived the coworker informed me that K did not in fact know that I was in a relationship for whatever reason, and now I knew that not only did I have to tell K we couldn't hook up anymore, but that I had to apologize for not making her aware of my status earlier. The coworker left after a few and I came totally clean with K. She called me smarmy with a smile, told me that she doesn't do that sort of thing and wouldn't have hooked up with me if she knew regardless of the open relationship status or not. I apologized endlessly and told her about catching feeling and not hooking up with her anymore. Ima try to shorten up the rest because I think I can. Needless to say we didn't stop hooking up (though we never had sex because that's a line for some reason I didn't want to cross). I never initiated any of it because I didn't want to be seen as smarmy, and when we hooked up she would always say things like "God Dammit" and "Where did you come from?" and "I think I like you" or "I do like you". I was already clear about me having a crush on her so I reiterated it sometimes. I should also mention that a lot of the times we hooked up we were under the influence. Personally I'm not one to say things in that condition that I wouldn't say sober, but I know everyone is not like that. The last time we hooked up I told K that I was leaving to go home the next week. She was genuinely surprised and told me she didn't know it was that soon. I should also mention that this was K's hometown and she had plenty of people to hang out with, but she hung out with me all the time. Something she even mentioned "I always end up with you for some reason." Anyway things had been going south with my GF for a while, because of distance and what have you, and I had resolved by that time that I was going to break up with her when I got home. I told K this. We hung out a couple more times, sober and didn't hook up. I had more resolve at this point and since I genuinely liked this girl at this point I didn't want to do anything that would give her a bad impression of me. Things got a bit awkward by then because, I think, neither of us are the type to "wait" and she and I knew I was leaving (though I plan on moving back with in the next 6 months). Anyway the last day we were hanging, we were sober and K asked me why I liked her. I responded by saying because she wasn't my girlfriend. What I meant was that she has all the qualities my girlfriend lacks that I wish she had, but I unfortunately didn't say that. Anyway K is pretty guarded as is and she didn't like my response, after that things got pretty awkward and I was in her city for two more days before I left without hanging out with her. On the journey back home (I drove alone) I thought a lot about K and how I wish that when I return to her city, we could maybe try things out for real as I'll be single. I also thought about how stupid my response to her question was and wanted to formulate a plan to answer it more correctly and complimentary without coming off as stalkerish and weird. Now this girl has no lack of suitors and the guys she usually dates/ goes after are not really like me. So to the ladies, especially the free wheeling independent ladies, I have a few questions: 1) Do you think K likes/liked me? 2) Do you think I did myself a service or disservice by not sleeping with her? 3) Is there a way I can re-answer the question without seeming like a creeper and that will get her to think about me? I was thinking of a letter as we both hate the phone/text. 4) When a girl makes fun of you constantly but still hangs out with you does that have any deeper meaning? 5) Can what a girl says when she's drunk (especially if she's super guarded) be taken to heart? 6) I haven't had any contact with her for over a week. If I am going to pursue this, what's the best way to get my foot in the door? So far she's never not responded (though it takes some time sometimes) to any of my texts. I'm 32 and she's 27 btw. Any and all help is appreciated. Thanks. more