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[Table] IAmA happily married person in an honest, open, bisexual relationship with another married couple. AUsA!
**Verified?** *(This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)* **Date:** 2012-04-07 **[Link to submission](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/)** (*Has self-text*) **[Link to my post](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/tabledresser/c49tqv8)** Questions|Answers :--|:-- [How long have you known the other couple? How long has the relationship lasted? Are any of you interested in children now, or five/ten years down the line? If so, will this complicated relationship continue in an open manner? If you do go out in group functions, do people know (like friends at parties)? How do they react? How do people you explain it to typically react?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i8c1?context=5)|We've know each other for 6 months. It's lasted 6 months and we're all hoping for much longer. :) One of the couples has a child. The other couple is much like family to the child. Please understand that we are best friends and obviously our child knows our friends; just as any parents' sexual relationship is separate from the child's life, ours is too. [2) Do you ever have moments where one person in a couple wants to have sex while other wants to relax, resulting in "Hun, I'm just going over to so-and-so's house for some sex. Want anything from the store on my way back?" Thanks for doing this interesting AMA! Cheers!](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49io1r?context=5)|2) While 2 people might have some fun on their own while we're all together (in the same house), we don't go out separately with the intention of sex. You're welcome and thanks for the questions. Glad you find it interesting. [4) Do you ever talk to your respected SO about the other couples' performance, such as criticisms or praises? "Babe, ever notice that when so-and-so cums, his back arches so much that you're reminded of the Little Mermaid?"](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49io1r?context=5)|4) No criticisms, but often praise. Sometimes even when it's happening. This is a positive happy experience for all of us. There's nothing dark or weird for us about this. [1) Would you become jealous if the other guy got your wife pregnant? (maybe hard to answer as it would be hard to know)](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49k6d4?context=5)|1) Jealous isn't the right word, maybe a bit awkward. And as you said it's just hard to know. But the fact is that it's a child and either couple would raise it and love it no matter what. [3) Do you find that you have more connections with the SOs that you're not married to? And if so would you consider remarrying?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49k6d4?context=5)|3) I think we all agree that we have a very special connection with our own SO. But each person has unique connections to the other. But no, we would not remarry. [*At first condoms for all the things.* Even oral?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49k2bu?context=5)|No. That was one we let slide. [Your ages and genders?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3hp?context=5)|34m/28f (couple P) and 25m/29f (couple B) [Were you monogamous before entering this dynamic? If so, who suggested it first? How did that conversation go?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3hp?context=5)|Before we engaged in this, yes both couple were monogamous. And in some way we still consider ourselves to be. [How did you meet that other couple? (Edit: or was it two single people)](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3hp?context=5)|Short answer: Craig's List. We were both looking ideally for another married couple. [Do you all interact sexually with one another?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3hp?context=5)|Yes, of course. All the combinations. [How do you handle jealousy, if it occurs?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3hp?context=5)|Because it's not for a single person's pleasure, we all care about each others feelings and highly respect one another. And outside of this, we'd easily just be close friends. If some one is having an issue, we're all comfortable enough to speak up. But even at that it's not really 'jealous' it's usually more like moodiness from exhaustion or another outside factor. [Is it a closed quad?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3hp?context=5)|Yes. [Do you all live together or seperate?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49if5a?context=5)|Separate. [Do your families know? How do/would they react?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49if5a?context=5)|As stated before, no. [Are your relationships strictly physical or do you all enjoy eating meals together and things of that nature?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49if5a?context=5)|We're best friends, like family. [Thanks for doing this AUsA. 1- How did it all started? 2- Always four of you having sex or do you do 2s or 3s sometimes? 3- All four of you bisexuals?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3e6?context=5)|1- We believe that we're a small percent of the Craig's List success stories. Each couple previously met other couples that were hook-ups, however this situation is something that we'd like to see continue long term. |2- Primarily all 4 of us are in the same room because we enjoy that dynamic. We sometimes do 2s because 2 people are 'finishing up' and the others are refreshing themselves. Some times 2 works better and we're not concerned about it or jealous. |3- Yes, but to varying extents. It's elastic. We all identify bi-leaning straight. [Can you post your ad, removing any identifying text? It would be greatly appreciated.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49is4m?context=5)|It was so long ago, it's been long deleted. If you want to post one yourself, just be honest. [I'm considering that now. I just haven't seen that vibe on CL, so it's encouraging that you found another couple in a similar wavelength. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49m37a?context=5)|We really feel it's a one in a million. We're super lucky to have found each other. But good luck to you! [When having 4-way sex, especially the first times, did any of you have "performance issues", like wondering *what if she/he's better than me and he/she prefers having sex with her/him* ?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ic5n?context=5)|Yes. And sometimes still. There is always pressure to satisfy your sexual partner(s). And satisfying 3 is certainly more of a challenge. But... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. We keep it lighthearted and fun though. It's never been a negative issue. [Have you ever had situations with just the two men being together, or just the two women, or is it always at least 3?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jj3i?context=5)|Yes and yes. We like all the things. [Do you all plan to continue this relationship, or is there a point at which you will return to two separate couples?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jj3i?context=5)|We all plan to continue this relationship. [Are there ever emotions that would have to be worked out in this sort of relationship, and, if so, how do you go about sorting them?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jj3i?context=5)|It's hard to say. It wouldn't work without the SO component. It's the difference between having a really close friend and soul mate. [If you could rate it, how much more fulfilling is this sort of relationship for you compared to separate couples?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jj3i?context=5)|It's very fulfilling in general. We agree we all felt fulfilled before, but have much more open communication (as couples and as a group) that has allowed us to experience a different kind of fulfillment. There's really nothing quite like sitting in a room naked with your best friends talking about whatever is on your mind. [You guys all sound really sweet. I'm glad you're doing this AMA. It's interesting. Your answers seem well thought out too. I gotta say, I'm glad I clicked on it. =)](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49pfg9?context=5)|We're glad you clicked on it too. :) This AMA has been great for us to get things "on paper" and talk amongst ourselves. [TIL that successful polyamory requires a good sense of humor. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49k4an?context=5)|That is far more true than you probably realize. [The sore one. :-) ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49k4ca?context=5)|Coming from the one that's had butt sex 3 times in the past 24 hours, a little, yes. [Oh god. I'm so jealous right now. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49oenr?context=5)|If you don't mind telling, are you m or f? We're having a debate. [Which one in the picture? (Left to right)](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49qmzo?context=5)|Lana, second from the right. [ since you guys don't seem to mnd nudity much, can we expect to see in you in other parts of reddit?(Hint: /r/gonewild...Imagine all the Karma you can get!!!)](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49qmzo?context=5)|Yeah. We're definitely fans of gw. Long time lurkers. [Male. :-) 23. But my username tends to imply female to most readers.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ojfi?context=5)|Thanks! Follow up if you don't mind... Are you jealous that I got it or of the persons that gave it to me? [Seems as the third time is right there in the picture =P.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4abpmk?context=5)|Since we're talking gw... the night before the ama Lana took Rich in the rear. The next morning Mac made a deposit just before Rich came in Lana again. Lots of fun and feels really good if you're into it :) [3**rd** time with a strap on? Edit: Oops..I meant 3rd time.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ttgj?context=5)|No, once the night before and two times the next morning :) [I'm so monogamous that I didn't get what happened there, lol. "Made a deposit"?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4achad?context=5)|Came. ;) [Also, are there any "no-go" areas sexually for the lot of you? If so, is it something that is looking to be overcome or is it a hard rule for whichever individual(s)?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ivhu?context=5)|Yes. We care about each other sexually and emotionally. We do normal friendly things all the time. I'm going shopping for a cardigan with the other woman this afternoon. As far as "no-go" areas, they have changed with comfort and trust, but as it currently stands, no male is to ejaculate into their non-marital partner's vagina. We haven't been seeking to overcome rules, but they've dropped with the increased level of trust as these things would in any good relationship. [Before you met each other were any of you involved in a four way relationship? How long have you been together, both the couples and the four way relationship?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ih4i?context=5)|No four way relationships prior. However, Couple B had a few unsatisfying encounters before we all met. Like a exciting blind-date. We met a few times before any sex. Many couples on CL are looking for anonymous sex and swinging. We were not. |Both couples have been together 5 years each. The two couples have been together 6 months. [*Many couples on CL are looking for anonymous sex and swinging. We were not.* That's been our experience browsing CL. Did you get many responses to your ad? Just wondering how many others were and may be interested in what you were looking for, as it seems very similar to what interests us. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49m194?context=5)|We both got a lot of responses (a couple a week) but it was mostly people looking for hook-ups. People seemed to be very ambiguous, but Couple B met a few couples that upon the actual meeting it became obvious that they were only interested in the short term hook up. Couple P did meet another couple that were genuinely interested but the chemistry was not there. [Was it ever hard for the husbands to go homosexual? Or the wives to go homosexual? I find that it might be easier at first to just stick to your hetero ways at first but with my experience it was rather difficult.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jsr2?context=5)|There were nerves at first. But we are all bi and were all interested in doing the "homosexual" things. |One of the females hasn't ever been attracted enough to a female to seek out a female but was interested in trying it. In the past she hasn't enjoyed it, but does enjoy it with the other female in our group. She said she wouldn't want it with any other female, but does genuinely enjoy it with her. [Umm............proof? For scientific research.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49qqxi?context=5)|We are talking about putting together a gonewild :) [When? I am super jealous of you guys..](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49tut2?context=5)|Hopefully soon. We've set out to take photos, but when you're in a room with 4 people performing sex acts, a camera is kind of the last thing on your mind. [ yesterday, I accidentally posted some of questions intended for you in a programming subreddit. Talk about "awkward" :D.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4a4swh?context=5)|When we first posted we were all four sitting together on reddit coming up with answers. Now we are answering them separately when we can. I can't tell you exactly when, but we will get some GW content as soon as we can :) [You guys remind me of another couple of polyamory. link to their thread(Also gallery). Check their other submissions too.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4a53m1?context=5)|Thank you. Those guys seem like they are a happy bunch. And very attractive:) [Had you had any previous sexual encounters with men prior to this relationship?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49lxlc?context=5)|Men questions: 1: Both had encounters prior to this. 2: Purely experimental. [It's nice to see people approaching their sexual lives so honestly and practically. Congratulations! :) I'm glad you found each other. For my question, do you all show signs of affection outside the bedroom like kissing and other displays of affection?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jouj?context=5)|Thanks for the kind, respectful question. |We certainly have chemistry, but try to keep a handle on it in public. It's not unlike limiting PDA in public with your SO. [Have you all read "Stranger in a Strange Land?" :) ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ikn7?context=5)|Only one of us has. [More of you should. And then get yourselves a nest! Actually that book has aided my partner and I in opening up multiple other people/couples to the poly idea.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49so1w?context=5)|Mac agrees. It's a great book. [In case you want the cliff notes: [Stranger in a Strange Land] (Link to en.wikipedia.org.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4adeh6?context=5)|Couple P are SciFi nerds FYI. Dr. Who and BSG mostly...mostly;) [Does the 2 males do anal penetration? if yes, is it something you like or just something you do?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jscx?context=5)|Yes they do. They like it. And the women like to watch which is very encouraging. [The women only watch? No pegging in this sexy bi foursome?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49rhtz?context=5)|Yes. Not that the women are opposed to doing it but, the men are more comfortable with "the real thing" - it allows for more finesse and lessens the chance of any painful thrusting. [Can you foresee ever being together as a foursome without also seeing yourselves as couples? Just all being together equally?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jw86?context=5)|No. The married couples have a different connection that with the other two partners. It's more emotional within the marriages. Something like soul mates. [ could you ever see yourselves living together in a household?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jw86?context=5)|We're not opposed to it. We'd be more like sexy sexy roommates. [Do you help one another financially?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49qq9t?context=5)|We have individual households and finances. Luckily there has been no need. We alternate who buys dinner sometimes :) [1 - Do you have kids? 2 - if so, are you open with them? 3 - if not, do you want children? will you be open with them about the nature of your relationship?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49kld5?context=5)|1 - One couple does. 2 - No. Any parents' sex life is the their business and has nothing to do with the child. 3 - The couple with a child is done. The other is 50% ready. And we can't predict the future. [Thank you! Follow up? Do you consider yourselves to be romantically involved or just sexually involved with the other members of your foursome?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49nyji?context=5)|Np. It's certainly more than sexual but not quite romantic. Some where in between. [Fascinating. I'm poly, and my relationships are all romantic as well as sexual, but separate. I'd love to have something more like what you have, though, it would probably make scheduling easier, if nothing else :)](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49o6ja?context=5)|It certainly makes scheduling easier. :) [Is there a disparity between the sex drives of each individual? or are you all equally horny as fuck? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49l2oi?context=5)|Yes. We all have varied degrees of drive. But it always seems to work itself out. It's never an issue. [Have you read Sex at Dawn? If so, what is your take on it?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jd8x?context=5)|Yes. I've read it three times and I'm dyslexic. It's awesome. [Do the couples ever have sex one on one when the others aren't around? Would that be a problem for anyone?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49iuyb?context=5)|Several occasions of same sex activities with prior approval from the SOs. We've done separate room in all arrangements. Never behind anyone's back and no one is ever excluded. So, no problems. :) [What are your favourite board-games?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49lzy5?context=5)|Our top three: 1: Apples to Apples 2: Scrabble 3: "Turbo Round" Strip Poker - that's a creation of Couple B's male. ;) [ Thank you SO much for this AusA. Second: We would like to know the rules for "Turbo Round Strip Poker" - sounds fun!! ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49q3c7?context=5)|Turbo strip poker is where you play the normal game, then once everyone is completely naked, you have another round. Usually the first "turbo" round is where the person with the best hand gets their private parts touched and explored by the person with the worst hand. The second turbo round is usually where the person with the worst hand gives head/oral to the person with the best hand. It's quite fun at helping to break the ice initially. Thanks for asking :) [Do you think that polygamy should be legalized?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49jy1v?context=5)|Polygamy isn't relevant to our situation. We have mixed opinions on it but we're not polygamous and have no interest in it. :) [Can you code?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49i3hu?context=5)|One of us can. [I sense a slight Borg vibe here.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49j901?context=5)|Haha! We understand. We're trying to fit into the IAmA format, but all sitting here right now hammering out the answers. [Has there been any misunderstanding until now? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49li8h?context=5)|Not really. We've always been very careful to be respectful of all parties. [ I don't understand one part. Each one of you gets to have sex with the rest of the three? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49li8h?context=5)|Yes. Nailed it. It's pretty awesome. [ time only 3 participated?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49li8h?context=5)|Yes, but the 4th was always nearby or watching. [So are just friends who want to have fun?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ijbh?context=5)|In short, yes. [In long, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49l9qi?context=5)|Agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed. [Any pictures of all four of you? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49m9ml?context=5)|Here's one (NSFW): [Link to imgur.com](http://imgur.com/gmSi4) [Some one needs to shave their down below. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49o4w8?context=5)|That's a shadow and an 'A'. Besides two of us have quite the affinity for bush. [Having a personal preference for shaved is fine. Acting like shaved is objectively superior and everyone ought to do it? Disgusting, IMO.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ok5y?context=5)|Yay for bush support! Just wanted to point out that two of us are fans of bush - the kind that grows in the pubic area. ;) [Do the guys kiss each other on lips and or french kiss?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49q5lr?context=5)|No. Though the guys are affectionate toward each other, there is just no interest in mouth kissing. [Have the men been involved or interested with bisexuality before you four meeting or did it evolve gradually after your encounter?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49m2ec?context=5)|Definitely an interest before and more so after. [How long were each of the couples' relationships before entering this dynamic?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49isye?context=5)|About 4.5 years, each. [You heights? One couple seem to be a lot bigger than the other. Frontal pose? Also did the smaller guy have any self esteem issues initially? And did you guys have sex after the Ama?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49qpbm?context=5)|5'3", 5'7", 5'9", and 6'3". No frontal pose for now, check later, maybe in gw. :) No. We all like being different. It's part of what's really great about it. No, we were too tired from that morning. ;) [THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS AMA! This is something my partner and I have talked about on and off for a few years. Do you think it would work if you all lived in one house? Thanks again for the awesome AMA - much respect. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49rfmv?context=5)|I think it would work in the same house, but we do very much value our private time with our individual SOs. No plans right now for any moving vans. Though the idea of vacationing with adjoining hotel rooms sounds really fun. [Say Richmond wants to do Lana a lot? Would there be any jealousy. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49tud8?context=5)|Somehow it works itself out :) The only imbalance here is that the girls are able to go longer and more times than the guys. If one guy comes before the other, sometimes that pair will go chill in another room for a bit while the pair who is still going at it 'finish up'. [Also what I mean is what if the other spouse does not put as much as yours?(when swapping)(Charley is having lot if Mac, but Lana's isn't hooking as much with Richmond. How do you balance these things?)](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49tud8?context=5)|The main bit here is that we truly respect and value our friendship. Once you have that, the jealousy seems to melt away. For every hour in the bedroom, we spend at least 10 hours, probably more, just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. I honestly enjoy sharing my partner with either member of the other couple. It is a wonderful exchange :) [Has it ever happened that the guy finishes and the girl joins the other couple?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49vqcu?context=5)|Yes, it has happened, but most of the time that pair will go shower and chill out while the busy pair finish up. [ one more thing, I think you guys are very "politically correct"(not sure if it is the right term for it. The answers seem kind of guarded ) in most of the replies. Is it because the 4 of you are replying to the questions and are worried about offending others ? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49vqcu?context=5)|We accept that it may not last forever, but we are trying to have a damn good time while it does and so far it is pretty much all smiles :) [What if one partner in a couple gets bored. Do you keep putting out for your SO if he/she is still enjoying it? Or would you stop it? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4a3wwi?context=5)|If my SO came to me and said that she was bored, then I would talk to her and see if there is anything that we could do to improve things for her. If that isn't possible then we would have to discontinue our playtime with the other couple. [That's funny...in my experiences with a lot of non-monogamous people, I've found the guys to be the ones who had the most publicly aired issues with "their" women going off and dating others. Well, specifically dating other guys, because other guys' penises are threatening; there's this attitude that if a woman dates another woman, it doesn't really "count" (and hey you might get a threesome out of it amirite??).](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49l8n4?context=5)|Although we are non-monogamous, we don't feel that it's necessary to entertain the idea that we need more than our situation offers us now. And presently if anyone in the group wanted to have sex with anyone else in the group it would be approved of and encouraged. [Should I tell you the worst case scenario for an individual in this scenario ? (IMO). The couple splitting up and his/her SO joining the other couple like a triad. That would be horrible.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4a52kp?context=5)|We have considered the risks. Every situation has a worst case scenario. Splitting up is a possibility in any relationship. [Financially, how different are you?(Earning wise). Are you guys in similar professions?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4a52kp?context=5)|We have similar household incomes, there is not much of an imbalance there. We have separate non-similar professions. [When you're doing just the 2s do you have it where it's just you and the other person of the same gender?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49lhsd?context=5)|Sometimes. :) [What would do if one of you had a baby?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49pqd9?context=5)|Raise it with no questions and love it unconditionally as any parent would. [How do you feel about marital rights regarding group marriage? Are you in the U.S.? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49yhc2?context=5)|We have no opinion. We have no desire to get married as a quad. Yes, we are in the US. [So what threesome is the best threesome?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49lemw?context=5)|No one of us can give any definitive answer. Each one has it's own pluses. But... 4some FTW! [*I think we all agree that we have a very special connection with our own SO. But each person has unique connections to the other. But no, we would not remarry.*](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4afchb?context=5)|Mac: Definitely. The more we spend time together and the more sex we have the closer we feel to each other. It's really very nice that we get to feel as close as we do because it's my experience that men are typically very guarded with each other. It's a relief whenever I see Rich: we can talk about anything. Also having two non-competing women can really boost your ego. [So, male to male connection, as well as female to female? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4afchb?context=5)|Lana: Certainly here too. Charley is seriously my best friend. I love spending time with her. I don't feel threatened by her - she's very encouraging, never catty like many women I've known. I could go on and on about her, but I'd be gushing. Suffice to say I think she's wonderful. [One of the lesbians in a lesbian couple at the clothing exchange down the street wants to have a 3-way with me and her girlfriend. I'm kinda iffy about it, because I've been in other 3-ways (with male-female couples, and with lesbians - I'm a dude), and it rarely ends well for the people in the relationship. I really like them though. Any advice?](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4b4fwu?context=5)|Well, that's not a whole lot of info. We keep questioning why they'd want to do it. Are you a novelty to them? Maybe like a living dildo? Or maybe one of them is questioning her sexuality? I'd find out the reasons. If it seems like the relationship may be rocky, personally (Lana) wouldn't intervene. But if they seem secure and both on board, go for it. There are so many factors. Every situation is different and unique. I hope that helps, but we're all at a loss for real advice. Best of luck to you. :) [Are you french? also any reddit proof? just to make sure this is not a troll ama.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49iijg?context=5)|Not French. We'll take a photo for proof later, verification style. [Have you guys ever performed the human centipede? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49qscs?context=5)|We're working on Human Centipede on Ice. [OP will deliver.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49lizw?context=5)|[Link to imgur.com](http://imgur.com/gmSi) BAM! [Have you ever read The Ethical Slut? My best friend is polyamorous and had me read it and I must say, it's really an excellent book for any relationship, but most especially for strengthening and supporting a relationship that has more than two people in it.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49pqt8?context=5)|Heard of it and interested; have not read it yet. Just finished *A Billion Wicked Thoughts*. It was okay. Still no match for *Sex At Dawn*. [Need a 5th? ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4b127r?context=5)|> It's a *closed* quad. [This is exactly how I'd like my life to be, though eventually I'd want all of us in the same house!](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49tdi9?context=5)|The thought of us sitting on the couch all together watching TV in our old age is a happy thought for us, but things are good as they are now. :) [Well that, but also 4somes every night! ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49tkz3?context=5)|The only thing we don't do well together is sleep. Not living together gives us the chance to recharge our constitutions! [That's amazing that you live in harmony. My husband and I have been in the swinging lifestyle for a little while and we would love to have the same arrangement, but the couples we find always have dramas. So we now just resort to finding a single ladies who has an fwb guy friend. ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49u7uu?context=5)|Good luck in your search. We feel very lucky. There is a couple out there for you! [Another poly quad checking in! Three years next month!](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c4a4yl8?context=5)|Congrats! It is great to hear from long-term success stories. All the best to you! [Mac agrees. It's a great book.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49t868?context=5)|In case you want the cliff notes: [Stranger in a Strange Land] ([Link to en.wikipedia.org](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stranger_in_a_Strange_Land)) [I don't see why everybody is arguing with the hamster. It's a hamster! ](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49rbe1?context=5)|You have to understand, this was Richard Gere's hamster... Ask him anything. [Just another supporter. Wife is bi, we live with her BF, and our GF visits about one weekend a month. All four of us have fun on dates, and the GF will, if things continue apace, be moving in with us eventually. Rock on, and continue with the happiness!](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ld4e?context=5)|Thanks and good for you guys! :) [I have a couple of good friends that have the same setup. It works well for them.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49pcka?context=5)|Yay! :D. [Have fun for as long as it lasts.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49ufm7?context=5)|We hope that is a very long time :) [Tick tack tick tack.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49khn2?context=5)|[Link to imgur.com](http://imgur.com/gmSi4) |Good things come to those who wait. [Are the males aware that now that they are 'men who have sex with men', they are no longer permitted to give blood? The question is coming from a gay man btw.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/rxtgr/iama_happily_married_person_in_an_honest_open/c49oo6t?context=5)|Yes. We'll just have to help people in other ways. :) *Last updated: 2012-04-12 08:49 UTC* | *Next update: 2012-04-12 14:49 UTC* *This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to [epsy](/message/compose/?to=epsy).* more