Follow related website bookmark from Reddit:
I felt uncomfortable; do you think I was over reacting?
Dear ladies (and whomever else may be reading) of Twox, Firstly, hey. Sorry for using a throwaway account. And I?m sorry if this post could have found a better home, but I felt the most comfortable with all of you. There was what I'll call an 'incident' last night which left me feeling rather uncomfortable and the opposite of happy, but I couldn't pinpoint why or why I felt incapable of speaking up. So I've come to you kindred folk, because I'd like to know if a) Being distraught by it was an overreaction, b.) What I should have said/should say if anything similar happens again, and c.) How many of you have overheard similar things? I'm a student at a very progressive liberal arts school where our small classes are discussion based, so usually I?m surrounded by pleasant, well informed people and the discussions tend to continue outside of class. With that in mind, I may begin: Last night I was enjoying the herb with a group of peers in my dorm, listening to music like we usually do when relaxing together. The guys in this story have said asshole-esque and offensive comments in the past, but I?ve never been left feeling so confused. They frequently refer to ladies as ?bitches?. We were taking turns playing music via youtube when a video was put on that received a lot of attention (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TotbU952HNk&ob=av2e) It began a little like this: Guy 1: Woah, that chick is kind of hot. Guy 2: Yeah, look at that rack! Guy 1: She?s definitely a girl to fuck, NOT a girl to marry. Guy 2: She?s hot in a cheap prostitute whore way, she?s porn star hot. (note: it wasn?t said jokingly, it was very matter-of-fact) This video and the guys conversation had officially caught my attention and in my stoned state I began to question what the implications of their dialogue was; was that a common thing, to segregate women into categories of ?the kind you fuck and don?t marry? and ?the kind you marry?? Does that mean there?s a third, middle ground category where there?s a girl who is both fuckable AND marriage material? When they see a random woman walking down the street, is this one of the first thoughts that comes to mind? The conversation then branched out: Guy 2: Yeah, they?re just selling sex in this video, which is good for me because it?s so easy and I?m going into advertising. He then continued talking about how easy and effective selling sex and using the bodies of women in advertising is and how he won?t consider talking negatively about it because it will benefit him so much in his career. Which then expanded to the topic of censorship, where the stance the guys took can be summarized into ?it?s bad parenting, not the influence of the media?. The fact that he defended this public treatment of women and sex while also saying that it?s the responsibility of parents to protect their children from it seemed to imply he thought it was bad but necessary?.but why? Now that I?ve explained what happened, these are the thoughts I was left struggling to sort out: -What exactly was it about this incident that made me feel so uncomfortable and why was I afraid to speak up to these jerks? I felt like they were talking about my gender as if I wasn?t a part of it, I was essentially nonexistent in the room. -What does it say when the objectification of women in sex-centric advertising is acknowledged, but not thought ill of because of the potential monetary gains it could allow? And, what does the success of sex in advertising imply about our nature---since these guys said that it works and they could acknowledge it when it was used in a video they enjoy, does this say something about them (and the rest of our society), that they?re okay with being manipulated to like something/do something/buy something because of the female body? After this incident and previous ones (my personal favorite: a group was having a contest to see who could blow up a condom the fastest, the guy in the above story made disgusted faces and said he has never even touched a condom with his hand, ?I make the bitches put it on for me, sometimes with their mouth?), I have no desire to spend time with him. **TL; DR; I sat quietly and listened to male friends speak of women in a disgusting way, it made me uncomfortable and afraid to speak up for reasons I don?t know. I was stoned, not sure if I was paranoid and overreacting or if this would have unsettled others as well, and why.** more