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[FR] Japanese clubbing on Sunday, haven't been out in a while and did not do well, looking for some thoughts
So I'm fresh from Level 3 Hollywood and Highland. My friend was the opening DJ so I came out to support him. It's a hugely Japanese event with many girls who didn't speak English too well. I'm Chinese so I don't stand out but I could definitely feel the cultural difference. Met with a few other friends there but otherwise I went alone. I went early because my DJ friend still had to get me my ticket and he had to be there early to set up. Started talking with a group of high school kids who were waiting for the club to open as well and met a few other groups of people. Friendly chatter. Line gets started and start talking with a group of 5 girls. I see them later on in the club so I'll call them group A. This is where things start to get bad. Every time I try to start a conversation about something, one of them will respond to me, and then the other girls will go something like "omg did you do whatever blah blah blah" and then suddenly they're whispering with each other. I try to keep myself in the conversation but they just kept shutting me out. If it matters, I think they were about HB7 or HB8's. Overall, they were friendly enough but I couldn't get a good conversation going. So I get in the club, and talk with my DJ buddy and all our mutual friends. I was third in line so it was pretty empty for a good twenty minutes or so. There was a group of four or five guys who were exceptionally good at dancing and they took up the entire dance floor for another thirty minutes or so afterwards. A crowd formed around them and watched them which was kind of frustrating because I'm a DJ as well and although I'm not trained or had lessons, I like to dance but watching these guys was slightly like shit they are fucking good. I suppose a true alpha would have just jumped in and danced like an idiot anyways. It also made the dancing really slow to start since people were just watching for a while. I see group A from earlier and they're actually dancing. I go over and say that it was cool that they were the only other ones dancing, and I see my mistake here now, but how I hated that these guys were taking up the whole floor because no one else was dancing. I tried to make a joking comment about how I figured I wouldn't be able to snatch one of the girls away from the group. They laughed a little and kind of went back to their own zone. This was definitely a bad sign but I didn't see it yet. So I go back to my friends and just start doing my dancing a little bit. There was still a lot of room so I was moving around a lot but I was just being outclassed by these crazy dancer guys. Anyways eventually, other people start dancing as well. Now I've had some bad experiences before getting girls to dance with me before, especially when I wasn't as comfortable dancing, but I remember another redditor saying a good way is to just go up to her and ask if she wants to dance. I did this about two months ago, also the last time I went out, at Exchange LA and it worked pretty well then. It did not work well tonight. What I would basically do is dance, see some girls dancing, move over, dance nearby, and then ask if she wanted to dance. I'm not sure if I was coming off as needy or something but the overwhelming response was a no thank you. I eventually run into someone else I met earlier outside and danced with his friends, group B. We were having a pretty kickass time because they were very down to do some crazy dancing and it was a very cool. I see a guy starts grinding on one of the girls, leaving her friend open. I immediately go over and ask if she wants to dance and she says sure. We grind for about twenty minutes or so. Eventually her guy friend comes over and I could tell there was some romantic shit going on between them and so I let her go dance with him. Maybe not the most alpha thing to do but I say they've got feelings for each other, let them dance together. There was also these two wallflower type girls who come to mind. I didn't grind on them but I made them laugh with my dancing to the song sexy and i know it and danced with them for a little bit. Now you might be thinking, hey, you've got some stuff going on with these girls, you should've asked for their number...and you're probably correct but I wasn't really thinking that way. I just wanted to blow off some steam on the dance floor and have a good time, which I did but it was made slightly depressing by the fact that girls were overwhelmingly saying no when I asked them to dance. I get pretty tired after a while and the music changed to stuff I didn't like as much so I went to go sit in one of the booths. My own friends had bounced at this point, since they were mostly there to show support for my DJ friend. So at this point, I try doing a little bit more talking and more gaming in my mind. It's probably obvious but this club was very loud and even in the back of the club, you have to yell to be heard. There wasn't an outside patio or anything where the music is less loud. I think this coupled with the fact that a lot of these girls were first generation Japanese, not much English, and actually a Swedish girl, also not much English, made it really difficult to talk to them. I had little problem approaching and saying Hi my name is soandso or trying to do a cold read or something but I got a lot of confused looks, random nodding. Even right next to her ear, I have to yell to be heard at all. I won't lie, this definitely affected me. I started to doubt myself, especially since I've been so busy at school that I haven't gone out at all in a long time. Eventually I talk with these two white girls who spoke perfect English but I could not for the life of me come up with anything to talk about. Usually I'll ask what major she is and why she likes it or what sort of things she likes to do...which I tried to do, but I'm not sure the question really got across. Eventually I chalk it up to being too damn loud to have proper conversation and go back to the dance floor. The DJs at this point were getting really bad and I couldn't get into the flow of the music at all so I was just kind of one two stepping. At this point, I couldn't get a single girl to dance with me. Lots of smiles and a no thank you. To be fair, I often saw that later they had a probably date or boyfriend or something or other because they kept rejecting other guys until this one guy comes along. I probably shouldn't be looking at girls when they've already rejected me but the club is pretty small and there's really not that many places to look around. I start walking back and forth between the dance floor and booths because the music was so random and hectic. I really didn't like the last couple DJs. Group A btw, I hadn't seen them a lot since I left them near the beginning, but I saw them again as the dance floor started to clear a little bit, so I went up and danced with them for a little bit. I tried to make some joking comments with them but I guess I came off as needy or creepy because they started actively avoiding me. So I spent a lot of time sitting in the booth by myself because my own friends had bounced already. I tried talking up some girls when they sat down next to me but the music got weirdly louder during the last DJ like he was pushing the system past max so I gave that up soon as well and I wasn't feeling too confident at this point anyways. I had one of those moments where I was exhausted from all the earlier dancing and watching everyone else still going and I felt old even though I'm only 21. This is an 18 club btw. So the music stops and we all exit the club. I had randomly run into an old friend in the club and we were planning to go get food after but I felt tired. Usually, I go with friends and we leave together and we get food some place late and so even if the clubbing experience was bad, I would chill with my friends after. Not this time, I went home alone and I felt it. I was too tired to try talking with some girls outside and a little down about how I got zero numbers tonight. I just wanted to go home and put on the next episode of Sherlock and drink a beer, which I'm actually doing right now haha In writing this, I realize I did have a good time tonight and met some very cool people and maybe some nights just aren't your night. Just looking for some thoughts and insight. Probably won't go out again until term ends in a month or so but I think it's good to be thinking about this stuff from time to time. more